Hoping Helps
by RainieDays
Summary: A story about finding your best friend and love of your life. Only to then learn that you don't have much longer together. The funny, fluffy and quirky things that Jean and Marco get up to; whether it's in a hospital picnic area or a party. (Originally posted on my Ao3)
1. To Start

How the hell do I start this? This, I don't know, story? New chapter in my life? Beginning if you will! Well I guess for you to be able to understand how I got to where I am today I'll have to start from the beginning, my final summer.

Not my final summer as in the last one I ever had, but the last one before my last year in high school. Fuck, now I'm just rambling on about nothing, if you can't tell I'm nervous to tell you this story. Anyway I'll begin with that- my final summer.

I had gotten a job, about a month and a half before school ended, at our local hospital. I wasn't a doctor or anything, I just did the food rounds, collecting the trays and giving food to the patients. If I had to pick one word to use to describe the job "Fun" isn't the one I'd use, more like "strange". I had met some nice people, don't get me wrong, but there were some who just made me question humanity… that and what they were putting in the food.

After I'd finished my rounds I'd find a nice spot outside in the courtyard and draw- the grey, sometimes colorful, little birds in the trees, the flowers that swayed slightly in the gentle breeze or even the clouds, but only if there were any in the sky that caught my attention.

Just as I'd get into a peaceful state, a fair amount of lines covering the page in my sketchpad and slightly dirty hands from the lead, my alarm that told me it was time to go and pick up the trays, would ring out its annoying tone and I'd reluctantly get up and continue on with my job.

That's how the first few weeks were for me in that break, for one I was relaxed because I didn't have my mother nagging me to get off my lazy ass and do something productive with my life, and for another, I felt peaceful. It was nice to get out and do something; I liked the fresh air and the coldness of the rain when the weather called for it, I'd watch as the droplets raced down the huge windows of the hospital. I also liked some of the people I worked with… but only some.

As everyone knows though, not everything can stay the same forever- It has to change at one stage. Staying true to that saying one Thursday just before my shift started, I bumped into the person who changed my life forever. Cliché, I know, but true.

* * *

><p>Five in the morning is a horrible time to get up. The air is almost always cold and your bed always feels like heaven. When it starts to call your name never ever go back into the warm cave of softness- Ever! Once you do it's like you've signed away your soul and when you do that it isn't ever coming back.<p>

My bed calls my name and try's to grab me with its arms of warmth.

"_Jean, Jean" _It calls to me.

_No jean don't do it_, I think to myself and walk to my draws and pick out my uniform. Nothing special, just black jeans and a grey button up shirt. I slip out of my boxers and swear under my breath when the freezing air bites at my warm skin. I get out a new pair and step into them quickly followed by my pants and shirt. After a second of struggling with the last button I finish and unplug my phone from its dock, stuffing it in my back pocket. Slowly I make the short trip to the bathroom down the dark hall, turn on the heating and shuffle over to the basin to finish with the rest of my "Morning" routine.

As quietly as I deem necessary, I wander down the rest of the hall and into the kitchen. Grabbing my favorite white and blue spotted mug I flick on the kettle and begin to make myself a strong coffee. As I wait for the water to finish boiling the sound of a door creaking open catches my attention and I look through the kitchen doorway. A man with the same shade of light brown hair as mine is making his way toward me, adjusting the zip on his jacket as he walks.

"Morning Pa," I whisper and he looks up, wrinkle outlined smile on his face. "How'd you sleep?" I hear the kettle click and go over and pour the steaming water over the instant coffee.

"Morning my boy. I slept well and you?" Pa replies, sleepiness laced in with his gruff voice.

"Good. Coffee?" I turn to face him, waiting on a reply. He nods a couple of times and I turn back to grab another mug from the cupboard. I place a teaspoon of the coffee powder in the bottom of his mug and add water, the aroma of the drink filling the kitchen even more. I jump a little when I realize that Pa is standing next to me with the milk.

"T-thanks." I stuttered, my heart beating just that little bit faster from the fright.

When the coffee is made and I finally decide that I'll just buy a muffin at work for breakfast, I take my place at the table across from Pa and sip my coffee. Pulling out my phone and tapping the first game I see, we both sit in a silence until I have to get going.

"I'll see you when you get home Pa." I call quietly as I grab my keys and wallet from their home on the counter.

The air outside is most definitely not a summer breeze. Despite the fact that it is only ten to six, I can instantly tell that it's going to be a cold day. I hop into my car (Pa's old one, deep blue and slightly worn looking but still drives well) and crank up the heating, waiting for the fog on the windscreen to clear. I offer my frozen fingers some of the warmth as I wait, not in the least bit patient if I have to admit.

After enough of the fog has cleared, I slowly back out of the drive way and turn left toward Trost hospital. The ride there isn't very long, nice and quick with only a few trees and buildings to give any sort of scenery that you would take note on. The buildings are all the same red brown brick; the only difference is the way the buildings have been designed. Now that I notice it even the roofs are the same dirty grey color.

_How bloody boring, _I think to myself as I turn into the long road that connects the hospital to the main road.

Now Trost hospital is a stroke of architecture genius- Tall, white building block like sections, the occasional splash of color making its appearance every so often, whether it is in the form of a colored window or a seemingly random painted wall.

_I'll have to draw this one day_, I say to myself. I think I've said that to myself every day since the government spent the money on fixing the old hospital up. Then again it might have only been a recent thing.

I slow down as I reach the staff parking and fish out my card from inside the glove compartment on the passenger's side. I roll down my window a let the ticket machine do its thing, listening out for the ding and watch as the red and white stripped bar slowly lifts. As fast as possible I close the window and search for a parking space.

With no luck finding one close to the doors I settle for one that's in the middle of the lot. Grabbing my brown jacket from the back, I tuck it under my arm and get out. Making sure that I have everything, I lock the car and head for the entrance.

I slip into the warmth of the hospital and make my way to the cafeteria, nodding a hello to people I know as I walk down the disinfectant smelling halls.

When I reach the cafeteria I look around at what it has to offer and toss between getting more coffee and some toast or just sticking with a muffin. I check the time and settle for the coffee and toast as I still have around forty minutes before I have to get to the kitchens. I wander over to the small shop at the far right end of the room, looking at my phone screen as I do. My eyes drift up quickly to see if there is anyone in my way, which there isn't.

I tap on the weather app to see what the forecast is for today- Cloudy with a chance of showers.

_I'll just have to stay inside; _I think and make a mental note to sit at the water feature in the middle of the hospital for my first break. I look up a step too soon and before I know it I've bumped into a very nice smell obstacle. Seriously good smelling. _It smells like an ocean… fresh and is that… roses?_

The moment I look up I bite my tongue, laughter threatening to spill from my lips. When I recognized the rose smell I sure did not expect to see a guy standing in front of me.

His black hair is soft looking and slightly messy. It's shorter at the sides but longer at the front and parted down the center. His checks are dusted with a few freckles and- _Oh god is he blushing?_

"Oh I, uh, I'm sorry for being in your way." The guy looks down at his feet and shuffles them a bit. _Why is he apologizing_, I ask myself before I realize that said person was now looking at me, unease written on his face.

"Oh, no, it's my fault," I mutter. "I wasn't looking where I was going, don't worry about it. No harm done?" I had to ask that question, we were in a hospital and there are hundreds of reasons that this guy could be here.

"No, I'm fine." He holds out his hand, offering me a hand shake and smiles politely. "I'm Marco." I quickly shove my phone in my pocket and shake Marco's hand.

"Jean." I reply. _Why do I feel weird?_ I wonder as we shake hands. My hands must have been cold because when we let go a couple of seconds later, Marco rubs his hands together. "You in line?" It was unnecessary to ask because I could tell that he wasn't, I just didn't feel like I should be rude to him after what had just happened.

"Huh? Oh yeah, no. No I'm just waiting for someone." He points his hand to the left and I follow it to find an older woman with the same dark hair at the front of the line. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that it's his mum.

"'kay," I nod once and look back at the freckled guy. _What do I do now_? My thoughts were interrupted when Marco spoke up again.

"Well it was nice talking to you." He smiles awkwardly and gives a tiny wave before walking toward the tables.

_Right,_ I think to myself, _Nice talking to you too_.

I walk the rest of the way to the line without my phone so I don't knock into anyone again. The line isn't long, thank god, so I reach the front in no time.

By the time that I've order and sat down at my favorite table (One right in the corner at the very back), the sun is trying its hardest to fight through the thick clouds that are covering the sky. I take a sip of my hot coffee and cough slightly as the burning liquid travels down my throat.

There aren't as many people here today, so when I spot Marco again it doesn't surprise me. He and his mum are just talking and eating, like the rest of the people in here.

My phone buzzes in my pocket and I feel around for it. I check the caller ID to find that it says Ma, and with a long sigh I answer it.

"Hey Ma, what's up?" I pick at my toast as she answers, voice slightly muffled by the static.

"Good morning Jean boy. Do you think you could pick up some vegetables for dinner tonight? I would get them myself but Mrs. Wagner is visiting today and I don't have any time to go to the grocery store." I can tell that she'd forgotten about Mrs. Wagner coming over because she asks the question faster than normal.

Rolling my eyes I answer, "Yeah, what do you need?"

"Oh! Potatoes, carrots… beans and a few cobs of corn should be about it. Just enough for yourself, your father and I. Thank you Jean boy!" Her voice is happier than it was before.

_Probable because I didn't bite her head off_, I smirked to myself.

"Fine, I'll see you later." With that I hung up and switched the app to notes so I could type in the list.

_Potatoes_

_Carrots_

_Beans_

_Corn_

I lock my phone again, but then turn on the lock screen when my eyes catch sight of the time: 6:30am

_Where the hell did the time go?! _

I gulp down the rest of my coffee, swearing quietly as it sears my throat and shove the rest of the honey toast in my mouth. I walk hastily over to the cafe counter and give them back their plate before I practically run in the direction of the kitchens.

* * *

><p>By the time I've made it to the fourth floor and run so fast that I have to take a second to catch my breath, I have only just made it in time to sign in without being late.<p>

"Only just made it again? What's that, the third time this week." I turn around and look down slightly to see Levi smirking at me.

_Oh great, short ass is here._

Now don't get me wrong Levi can be nice, but the moments are few and spread out. Despite his height he can be quite intimidating, needless to say I keep my eyes peeled when I'm push the food cart around so I don't run over him. Shit would go down if that happened and we all know it.

"What is it Levi? I have to get started." I keep my face as blank as possible, though I think I failed as Levi laughs a bit when he replies.

"Nothing. I'm just… teasing. Now get on with it." He strides away and I raise my eyebrows at him.

_What the hell!_

I grab the blue apron type thing off its hook and slip it on, hang up my brown jacket and push the door of the kitchen open then get to work.

It's not too hard to sort out the trays, they're numbered so all I really have to do is place them in their corresponding slot on the trolley and I'm good to go.

It takes me about ten minutes to finish the fourth floor; none of the patients here really talk to me. But as I go up to the fifth it takes a while longer. A few older patients like to tell me things; stories of their childhood, what happen on the television last night, you name it and it's probably come up at one stage or another.

I have to go down to the third floor next, the Cancer Ward as I named it, mainly because I forget what else goes on in here. I'd made a couple of friends on this floor, just a few other teens around my age.

A couple had been here for a while when I first started so they'd gone home not long after. There was one however who wasn't as lucky. I'd known him when we were kids, Thomas Wagner.

_That's right, his mums at home hey._

Heaviness fills my chest as I pick up the trays and knock on the door of his old room (12 for the record). I had fun with Thomas, he was a good friend, so when I heard he had passed it took a while for me to accept the fact and move on. I don't think I visited this floor for a week. Eventually my pride got the better of me and I just sucked it up so I didn't look weak.

"Would you look at that, it's the almighty bringer of food! Took your time today I see." I roll my eyes and look over to the right and see Mina smiling kindly at me. Her black hair is messy from sleep and a bit thinner than yesterday. Placing her tray on her stand I move it toward her so she can reach better.

"Thanks!"

I turn to face the other bed and notice that it's empty. Unmade but empty.

"Where's the other girl?" I asked as I place her tray down. I was worry that she was gone. She had nice long dark hair, it was pretty. That and she was nice.

"Don't worry Romeo she's only at a checkup." I stiffened noticeably.

_How the hell did she know!_

"What, did you think no one would notice you taking your time around her. Jean you're even blunter than I first thought." Mina laughed lightly when I turned to her. I could tell my face was red but that didn't stop me from hoping it wasn't.

"Shut up Mina." I walked out of the room and away from the giggling girl. At least she was kind or else I don't think I'd be able to put up with her teasing.

I push the trolley up a bit further and take out the tray for room 13, the last one for this floor and this round.

_Huh there's actually a tray today._

There hadn't been a tray for this room in a while now so I was slightly surprised. I checked the name on the ticket and chuckled to myself.

_Marco Bodt. Huh same first name as the guy from this morning._

I knock and push the door open with my back, and turn around to see the Marco guy from this morning typing away on his phone. The moment he looks up, his eyes widen and he almost drops his phone.

"Careful with that. Don't want to break it." I say in a flat tone to him as I walk over to the stand and place his tray down.

"Y-you work here?" I nod my response, slightly agitated by the question but let it slide.

"Yep. You're a patient here." I say holding back the beginnings of a smirk.

"I am.. I got transferred here last night." Marco locks his phone and moves over to his tray of crappy hospital food. "Does it taste as gross as other places?" He asks the question with a slight chuckle and starts eating the toast.

"Uh yeah, I guess so." I pause for a moment and consider leaving, but there is just something about this guy that makes me want to ask him about himself, so I lean against the bed across from his and start my usual You-look-nice-I'm-going-to-be-your-friend questions.

"So, what's you tale?" Clearly I'd taken him by surprise as Marco coughed a few times before he answered.

"Oh, um, I was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago." I raise an eyebrow in hopes of him telling me what type. To my luck he caught on. "Osteosarcoma."

_It couldn't have been something else, _I shout in my head.

"Right arm..." He trailed off and shifted uncomfortably.

_Great now I've made him upset. Way to go Jean, you blood legend._

"Sorry to hear... I had a friend who passed from that... about six weeks ago actually." An image of Thomas floated into my head and I held my breath, praying to anyone that would listen, that I didn't cry in front of Marco. Now wouldn't that just make my day.

"It's alright, my odds are quite high if I do say so myself." A smile spread across his face, leaving only a shadow of his discomfort. A wave of relief washed over me from the fact that I hadn't scared him.

"Nice to see you're positive about it." It's true though, there aren't many who are that positive about their odds so it's nice to see.

A knock at the door stops our conversation from progressing any further and we both look up to see a woman walk in, the older woman from this morning.

"Hello," She says. Her tone is a lot nicer than that of those I'd meet, usually their voices are forced and laced with anger, but this lady didn't give off the impression that her son was sitting in a hospital room in Trost's cancer ward. "Pleasure to meet you, I'm Marcos' mum." She smiled politely at me and crossed the room to the chair next to said persons bed.

"Hi. I was just dropping off his food. I'm Jean by the way." I nod to the tray of food and give a small wave good bye to Marco mimicking his one from earlier this morning and start for the door but paused for a second.

"I'll see you around and we'll keep talking later yeah?" Part of me hoped that he would say yes, but another part of me wanted nothing more than for him to say no. There was a strange feeling in my chest, it was warm and weird and to be honest- kind of scary. It was the reason I didn't want him to say yes.

"Sure!" The look on his face made the strange feeling in my chest grow, it was a wide smile that made his freckles bunch up together. I turned back to the door and shut it behind me.

_God damn it Jean, what the hell are you getting yourself into._

It wasn't a question but I knew that deep down I wanted an answer. Not just an answer for what I was getting into but also an answer for the weird feeling in my chest. An answer as to why I just felt like I could bare my very soul to this freckled guy. And an answer for why I hadn't even bother to question myself before just blurting out half the things I had in the last five minutes.

_Way to make a fool of yourself, now get back to work. _

With that I set back down the path to the kitchens. A small smile hidden on my face that I didn't want to admit was there.


	2. Why

Is a day spent watching movies when you could've been working a day wasted or well spent? Likewise was my time spent with Marco time spent wasted or time spent well? I knew there a chance that he wouldn't live, trust me that fact rang loud and clear, yet I still stuck with him. Why I did, I'm still trying to figure out, but all I know is that Marco would always have tried to strike up a conversation every time I gave him his tray or took it back. I only know this because one afternoon when we were talking he told me. Well, that and it's just what he's like.

* * *

><p>Work goes by in a blur; the only difference was Marco kept invading my thoughts.<p>

_Marco has a nice smile, his freckles are cute too. Wait cute? Jean no, that's weird! I wonder if he has any siblings… Why the hell can't I stop thinking about that bloody freckled kid?! God damn it Jean stop with the freckles as well!_

Writing it off as just me being curious, I come to the conclusion that it was just because he was new. Now that I think about it the same sort of thing had happened when Minas' roommate came; I couldn't keep my mind from wandering to her. The way her long black hair looked when the sun hit it through the curtains, god was she pretty. Not as pretty as Mikasa but she came damn bloody close. So I must be correct in thinking about Marco because... He's new. Right?

I decide that I've done all that I can do today, there are only so many trays you can take back, so I head back to the kitchens.

The hallways are quite empty today and I can't say that I'm disappointed; all I want to do at the moment is go home and sleep. It's been a long day, well ok, admittedly it's probably been the same amount of, if not less, time compared to how long I'm here on any other given day. I guess it's because it has been so cold and slow without all the other people around.

I almost run the rest of the way to the kitchens when the doors of the elevator open, almost but not quite.

When I reach the door, I turn the trolley so that I go through the door first. You'd think that dragging the trolley in backwards would be at least a bit of fun, and it is, well that is until you hit your back on the door handles trying to get through the door. The bruises I've had on my back are kind of concerning.

I push the tray into its afternoon spot and tug at the ties on my blue jacket thing until they loosen enough that I can just slip it over my head. Pulling down my brown jacket and replacing it with the blue thing I turn just in time to bump into Levi.

"Oi watch it brat!" He snaps at me.

"Sorry." I would've had a go at him, but I settled with a mumble, and it's only because he's looking at me with this look that could send a fully grown man running to his mother.

"Since you're going I might as well warn you now: If you turn up late again tomorrow I'll tell your boss. We wouldn't want to lose our job now would we?"

The thing that annoyed me most was the fact that Levi had said 'your boss' like I had a different boss to him, which he didn't. Erwin more or less had control over everyone in this place, including this short ass cleaner.

"Right, _my_ boss, I'll keep that in mind."

And with that he strode away, adjusting the spray bottle of god knows what on his cart. After a few more seconds I turn around and sign out, adjust my jacket and make my way out to the car park.

Car parks are funny things, you'll park your car, get out and do whatever you were going to do, then after however long you'll come back and usually forget where exactly you parked it.

The thing about hospital car parks though, is that it doesn't matter if you're there for a short amount of time or a fair while, you _always_ forget about where you parked.

So when I went out and had a mental blank I had the sudden urge to kill the guy who came up with the whole 'you'll never find your car fast in a hospital car park' game. I just want to go home, was that too much to ask?

I looked at the section closest to the entrance and it took me a short while before I remembered that I'd had to park in the middle.

"For fuck sake!" I cursed and looked around. A few seconds later I saw the miracle that I call my car. Silently I cheer to myself and rush over, unlock the damn thing as fast as humanly possible, and jump into it, almost literally.

Sighing as warm air blasts out a few seconds after I turn the ignition on, I feel around in my pocket for my phone.

Pushing on the home button, the screen lights up and tells me that I have a missed call from a private number.

_Huh, that's kinda weird... Oh, that's right; I have to get those things for Ma._

I tap in the password and switch the app to Notes.

_Potatoes_

_Carrots_

_Beans_

_Corn_

I could always just go home and say I'd forgotten, but then Ma might just tell me to go and do it.

I groan and reverse out of the parking space. When I get to the gate, I scan my ticket at the ticket box and wait a few seconds as the red and white striped pole goes up, then drive in the opposite direction I came from this morning.

The drive into town is a bit longer than the one from home to the hospital, and thankfully it has a lot more scenery than that route as well. There are the usual trees and houses, but these houses have a whole lot more variety in terms of more colour than the others. Blues, greens, cream roofs as well as the red, the gardens are a lot more colourful as well. That's mainly because the houses this close to town (As well as in the area I live in) are where all the rich people live.

Okay, my family might not be _that_ well off, but we sure as hell aren't struggling to put food on the table or clothes on our backs.

I take a left turn at the third roundabout and drive a little more to the section of the building where the grocery store is.

As I turn into the car park (A lot smaller than the hospital one if I'm going to bring those damned things back into the spotlight) I notice that there is a new shop. To be specific it's a cafe called, well called 'Cafe'.

_That's original; I'll have to check it out though._

Turning off the ignition I hop out and lock the door, stretch arms a bit and head for the store.

As I step into the store I feel the need to shiver at the blast of cold air that is raining down from the air-conditioning unit above me in the doorway, but I don't because I'm wearing a thick jacket, and a thick jacket means you're warm as fuck.

Grabbing a red basket I take my time walking down the aisles, looking for anything that looks like it would taste wonderful at five in the morning, and that is literally anything with a fair swag of caffeine in it.

It's also not what lines the shelves in this aisle.

Groaning in defeat I make my way to the vegetable section and grab a couple of the green plastic bags to put the veggies in. I quickly unlock my phone to check the list once more.

_Potatoes_

A kilo of theses should do it.

_Carrots_

A bunch probably? You'd think that would feed three people at least once, so I grab them and chuck them in a green bag then into the basket with the potatoes.

_Beans_

I grab a tray of these and put them in the basket as I look for the corn.

_I think Ma said she wanted three cobs?_

I shrug and chuck in a tray which contains three cobs, hoping that it'll be enough.

One trip to the store is enough to last me the rest of the week.

I turn around and head for the checkout. Without looking at who's going to be serving me, I begin to unload the few items that I have, placing the basket at the end of the conveyor belt. When I look up, I roll my eyes when I see Ymir smirking at me arms crossed over her chest.

"Well well well, if it isn't Jean. Shopping for mummy are we?" She says, unfolding her arms and begins to scan the food.

"What if I am? Never gotten food for yours?" I snap back, I don't usually shop for Ma I swear.

"$19.50 thanks." Ymir holds out her hand and I grab some money from my pocket, giving it to her as I speak.

"Don't change the subject; you shop for your mum as well right." It wasn't a question that time as I was slowly but surely losing my patience with her.

"So Krista and I are holding a party in a couple of weeks and she said that you can come along if you want. Bring a friend; if you have any. She told me that she tried calling you earlier today but you didn't pick up." The cash register made its little _ding _sound and Ymir sorted out the change for my twenty dollar note, handing me fifty cents in return.

"I do have friends' thank you very much, and in fact I even have a job now so I _do_ leave the house. Which, if you must know, is the reason that I didn't get Krista's call." I stand a little straighter in hopes of trying to get my point across.

"Why are you inviting me anyway?" I'm a curious person when it comes to people being nice to me out of the blue like that ok? Especially if it's Ymir who's made the offer: there has to be a reason or something that she wants in return. She wouldn't just invite me out of the kindness of her heart. Ymir doing that, I think bloody not.

"She just wants to see everyone together before school starts and we have school work coming out of our ears. That sort of shit ok?" She huffs and hands me my bags of groceries.

"Thanks, and if that's the case then... I'll think about." I nod and head for the doors.

"You're not fooling anyone Jean." I jump a little in surprise.

_What's that supposed to mean?!_

I look over my shoulder with a very confused look on my face, but Ymir's not looking my way.

* * *

><p>As I'm driving back home, Krista and Ymirs' party decides to take the front seat in my thoughts.<p>

We haven't had a get together since the start of high school, just a few birthday parties. Nothing exceptionally special to note.

Okay, so maybe there was one game of truth or dare which ended with cream cheese all over the kitchen and Sasha's German Shepard with blue tinted fur.

I highly doubt that anything like that could happen at this one though.

As I near my house, I look for any cars in the driveway, which there isn't meaning that Pa isn't home yet and Mrs Wagner has left. I sigh in relief.

Parking my car, I take the keys out of the ignition and get out, bringing the bags of food with me as I do and lock the car door.

Shuffling slowly with my hands stuffed in my pockets, I head for the front door and out of the corner of my eye I see the curtains move.

"Welcome home Jean, how was work?" Ma opens the door and smiles at me.

"Fine. I got the food." She kisses me on the cheek and I edge away slightly, and then go through the door heading to the kitchen bench.

The potatoes start to fall off the bench when I place them down, but I catch them just before they hit the floor.

"I'll be in my room." I call to Ma as I walk toward the doorway of the hall.

When I get into my room, I walk over to my bed and fall face first into my unmade bed. It's freezing cold, but I don't care; it's soft.

All of the things that happened today repeat themselves in my head over and over again, I can't seem to shake them from my thoughts so I just lay there. I lay there and let the thoughts fill my head until I close my eyes and fall asleep.

* * *

><p>I wake up to the sound of Ma banging on my door, telling me that "Dinner is ready and if you don't hurry up and get out here, you're not getting any." I mumble back a random string of words as I swing my legs over the side of my bed and groan as I stretch; back cracking a few times as I do.<p>

When I walk into the kitchen, rubbing away the sleep from my eyes as I do, I find that Pa is home and sitting down at the table drinking some water out of a clear glass.

"Afternoon." I nod toward Pa and flop down into my seat at the table across from him.

"Afternoon. How was work?" Pa places his glass down and thanks Ma when she puts his plate down in front of him, I sit up straighter as I take mine.

"Fine." I give him the same reply that I gave Ma when she asked.

You see I would go into an elaborate explanation about my day, but I've already lived it. Nothing 'exciting' or 'life changing' happened so I shouldn't have to waste everyone else's time.

Rude? Yeah, it probably is, but in my defence, I'm just trying to be considerate.

There's silence for a few minutes, but it's broken when Ma speaks up.

"How was your day today honey?" She takes a mouthful of food and looks up, Pa glances up and swallows his food before answering her.

"Good, nothing much to report back," He laughs. "Just another day at work." He cuts a piece of meat, then eats it.

Pa looks over toward me and I quickly look down at my food and pretending to decide what I want to eat next. I'm really just preparing myself for what Pa is about to ask, even though he asked not five minutes ago.

I'll never understand why he does that. I can't even think of a reason that would remotely explain it.

"How was your day?" I take a deep breath, about to answer, but to my surprise Ma answer just before I can get a word in. Looking up, I see that Pa has turned to look at Ma.

"It could have been better," She smiled sadly at him before continuing. "Mrs Wagner came over for a visit today... She's doing a lot better than she was a few weeks ago, which is a good thing. I don't think... Never mind." She took another mouthful and chewed with a look on her face that gives me the impression she's thinking about what she is going to say next. "I think I'll go with her to visit Thomas this weekend... Would you like to come?" Her eyes move over to look at me.

I know where this is going, and I don't want it to. Why are we talking about this at dinner? Has it not occurred to Ma that maybe, _maybe,_ I want to eat my dinner without thinking about my dead friend. Like seriously, is it _that _difficult to wait the entire ten minutes that it would have taken us to finish. Really?!

I can tell that Pa caught on to the way that I, less than subtle, froze because he tried to take the conversation away from that topic.

"Uh, well, I think I'll have to think about it. I might have a shift on this weekend. So Jean, are you working tomorrow?" I just about choke on my food, but nod a few times before swallowing it.

"Yeah, why?" I take a sip of water and look up at him.

"No reason." He looks down at his plate and I notice a little smile on his face. It's only a little one and a bit... Sad.

* * *

><p>The rest of dinner passes in more or less silence, only disrupted when I asked for the salt and when Pa asked if we wanted some more water.<p>

It's my night to do the dishes so when we finish, I bring all the plates and cutlery to the sink and fill it up with hot water, pour some of the dish washing bubble stuff in and make it really bubbly.

I remember when I was a kid, I use to sneak out into the backyard after it had been raining and pour some of the bubble stuff into the puddles. Ma would laugh and take photos, then get mad at me when I tracked mud through the house. It was fun though.

Pa brings over the last cup and leans against the counter for a minute, but I don't pay him much attention, just a quick nod thanks and get back to washing. After a little while I start to get agitated and ask him what he wants.

"Yes?" I ask, a lot ruder than I had intended. He just shrugs and picks up the tea towel and starts to dry a glass.

"Nothing much... Just wondered why you looked like you'd seen a ghost when your mother said she was going to visit Thomas." He put down the glass he had dried and picked up a plate. I stopped washing for a second and looked up before continuing to clean.

"I- It's just too soon?"

_I _don't even understand why I don't want to visit him. I know I should visit him, really I do. I get that... It's just... I can't do it.

Pa sighs, puts down the now dry plate and picks up a new one.

"Alright, but you can't hide forever Jean."

* * *

><p>When I'd finished the dishes, I go to the living room and say a quick good night to Ma and Pa before heading off to bed. I glance at the TV on my way out and see that it's on that new cop show that started the other week. In my opinion; it's shit.<p>

I make my way to my room and grab the clothes I'd worn to bed last night and my towel, then head for the bathroom. When I get into the bathroom, I lock the door and go over to the shower; turning on the taps.

After a few second I deem that the water is warm enough. I get undressed and hop in, taking a quick breath in as the warm water bites at my cold toes.

After a minute however, the water begins to feel nice as it runs down my back, and it takes away the grossness from the day.

For a few minutes I just stand there; watching as the water pools around my feet before going down the drain. Nothing important enters my mind.

I turn around and grab the shampoo from its place on the shelf and squeeze some into my hand and put it back. There isn't a lid on it because I drop it on Monday and it broke off.

Shampoo bottles are evil; at least that's what I've learnt from that experience. You wouldn't think that a bottle that light could be so damn painful when it hits your foot at the approximate speed a meteor would hit the Earth. Well, that may be a slight exaggeration, but my point still stands. I have the fading bruise to prove it.

I lather up the shampoo in my hair and muck around with it for a second before it starts to get annoying and I rinse it off. Grabbing the soap I wash the rest of my body, then rinse away the suds before turning off the water and getting out. I dry myself off and get dressed before I head back to my bedroom.

Chucking my towel on the back of my desk chair, I sit down in it and switch on my laptop. It takes a few second to come to life, but as soon as it does I open up the internet and check for any new notifications I might have. There weren't many so I decide that it's late enough to go to sleep.

I shut the laptop and head over to bed, once again, I fall face first into the covers. It takes a second, but I mange to move myself around and get under the sheets.

I sigh. I close my eyes. I don't fall asleep.

So I turn over and feel something dig into my hip.

"What in the world?" Shuffling slightly I dig around and find my phone.

_I should set my alarm for earlier. _

As much as I don't want to though, I change the alarm time and place it on my bedside table.

_Maybe now I can sleep?_

After a short while my mind begins to wander; different people and thoughts float into my mind. I feel my eyes start to get heavy and I wait as sleep takes over.


End file.
